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End to depression from detoxing?

Yesterday was a much better day as far as energy and strength but my mood still wasn't quite right. Today I actually woke up in a decent mood and still had energy and strength. Could the depression be lifting? It's been just over a week that I started exercising again and I even got a little sun today for Vitamin D. Thank God, I see a light at the end of that tunnel!

Toxins still in system?

I continue to detox using herbs of oriental medicine and feel the effects. As my energy and strength begin to return during week 4 of use, I still have mood swings and thoughts and feelings of hopelessness. I sometimes wish for a pill to just make it all go away. I have to remember that they numb all feelings, good and bad and are just not for me. I need to learn to recognize my feelings, accept them and work on moving through them. Pushing them away will not get rid of them only cause more damage. Talk to someone, write about them and for goodness sake use your tools girl!

Acknowledging growth

I am trying to see the positive in all the situations that come up these days. While riding out this wave of energy I am trying to avoid the downfall. So, today when stressed about money and upcoming expenses I realized that in my past, when I had a high, it included over spending on meaningless crap. So glad that I don't do that anymore and can channel my energy into creative projects instead. Yea me! Things will work themselves out even if I have to arrange to make payments some how.

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Size 18 to 8 achievement

Over two years ago I started a page on Facebook called Size 18 to 8. After a reunion where I was questioned how I did it? If I would share it with others? Not to mention, lots of praise, I began to wonder how to go about sharing my story with a broad audience. I had a personal Facebook page and started to investigate. I found that you could create other pages from your personal account. Once started I realized that there was a lot of information that I had learned on my weight loss journey that was worth sharing with others out there. Not just family, but friends, heck, the whole world. It was tough to build an audience at first. But over time, it began to grow. Through my promotion, help from my fiancee, mom and friends, the numbers started to rise. Along the way, it became apparent that a blog would be helpful to fully explain all of the steps that I took to get where I was on my journey. I could share that on the page for easy reference for those that wanted to start on their path to better health. Today I reached a milestone of over 1,000 followers on my page. I am truly humbled, yet very proud of this achievement. My goal was and is to reach as many people as possible and let them know it can be done. With a lot of hard work and dedication your weight loss goals can be met. Even more than that, optimal health can be attained.

Opportunity to help others

The other day, while visiting with an old friend from church, I was presented with information regarding her niece that awakened in me a profound desire to try to help this woman. I had met her previously while experiencing one of my episodes years ago. We connected. She is bipolar as well, not sure what her exact diagnosis is. Being successfully off meds now for nearly 5 years, with my doctor's approval, I long to help others to have a better quality of life and learn to live with their bipolar nature.
The first step is good water. Filtered water is best. Bottled water has chlorine. Try a Britta water pitcher which is relatively inexpensive. Begin to drink at least 8 8oz glasses of water a day. Try cutting back on other drinks, for example soda, coffee, tea and juice(highly sugared variety). Cutting back on caffiene if not illiminating it altogether is very helpful in remaining balanced in preparation for a chance to get off of medications.
Second is deep breathing and meditation. Find a time, place and space to be by yourself in quiet reflection. Breathe deep and steady breaths. In through your nose and out your mouth. Once comfortable begin to think of someone or something that makes you happy. Hold that thought in your mind as you continue to breath deeply. Do this at least once a day if not more during any highs. I learned this first from my fiancee and further studied this technique and more through HeartMath, for nearly three years now. My instructor Sheva and her company Fyera got me started in the mastery program of HeartMath. Google it, I highly recommend it for anyone that can afford to do so. It is well worth the cost. Especially considering I don't pay for medications or therapy any longer. Only see a psychiatrist regularly for monitoring.
Next rid your home of unnecessary chemicals, such as cleaners, deoderizers and the like. Begin to use as many unscented body care and beauty products as you can. Bipolar folks are usually highly sensitive beings that have spent years trying to numb their senses with anything they could find, ie alcohol, drugs and pills. I should know I did the same thing for years not knowing what I was doing. Getting these chemicals out of your environment and your body is crutial. Also eliminating them from entering your body from the outside, for example perfumes and dyes are quite important. You would be surprised how many items contain scents and they all add up causing an overload to our system. I never knew why I was getting migraine headaches for so long. Once the chemicals and scents were eliminated I have now been free of migraines for several years. What a relief.
A healthy diet with as many vegetables and fruits, nuts, whole grains and organic animal products, like meat, eggs and dairy that are free of pesticides and chemicals play an important part in helping the body heal itself from all of the side effects of being medicated as well as ingesting processed, and chemically treated foods for so long. Stay away from processed food whenever possible. Many chemicals in them are very harmful to everyone, like MSG in all its forms, sensitive people like bipolar are especially affected by them.
Regular exercise, whether it be walking, yoga, running or weight training at least 3 times a week is very helpful in repairing any damage to your body caused by medications, especially the weight gain. I know how it is I was over 200 lbs when I was allowed off my meds (FYI I started a page on FB called "Size 18 to 8" with several recipes and tips on how I lost the weight). Start slowly, don't hurt yourself. When I began I was so out of shape I could barely exercise for 15 minutes at a time without getting a red face and being out of breath (I had also smoked for nearly my whole life until I was able to quit by switching to a no additive brand called American Spirit). Be gentle and gradually work yourself up to at least 30 minutes of exercise. With determination and perseverance, you will be on the fast track to better health in no time. I now am able to exercise 6 days a week with a variety of exercise videos and walking.
With all of these things started in your daily life, (I have heard it takes 21 times to make a habit) once you are given the okay to ween off your medication, it will be much easier to live with any ups and downs that come your way through your everyday life. When your doctor sees the improvement in your mental clarity and balance of emotions he will be more likely to approve of you taking a more natural approach to living with your bipolar nature. I had to approach my doctor about this, he would not have recommended it otherwise. They are trained to give us pills, not find out what is causing our symptoms. You'll have to work at this new lifestyle of health and wellbeing in order to convence them, trust me. Be persistant. Don't give up. What ever you do don't go off without approval from your doctor and by all means never go off cold turkey, you have to be weened or there could be severe side effects. Your life depends on it.
Over the last 5 years I have lost 70 lbs and maintained my weightloss, been stable and productive in my daily life and only need to stay away from chemicals, additives, added stress and triggers. I had to learn new tools through HeartMath for managing my strong emotions. I am learning new things about myself and my bipolar nature everday. I have contiplated writing a book one day on my entire experience in order to help others out there like me. You never know it could happen. Good luck to you all out there in whatever you do or decide to be. God Bless.

Opportunity to help another

The other day, while visiting with an old friend from church, I was presented with information regarding her niece that awakened in me a profound desire to try to help this woman. I had met her previously while experiencing one of my episodes years ago. We connected. She is bipolar as well, not sure what her exact diagnosis is. Being successfully off meds now for nearly 5 years, with my doctor's approval, I long to help others to have a better quality of life and learn to live with their bipolar nature.
The first step is good water. Filtered water is best. Bottled water has chlorine. Try a Britta water pitcher which is relatively inexpensive. Begin to drink at least 8 8oz glasses of water a day. Try cutting back on other drinks, for example soda, coffee, tea and juice(highly sugared variety). Cutting back on caffiene if not illiminating it altogether is very helpful in remaining balanced in preparation for a chance to get off of medications.
Second is deep breathing and meditation. Find a time, place and space to be by yourself in quiet reflection. Breathe deep and steady breaths. In through your nose and out your mouth. Once comfortable begin to think of someone or something that makes you happy. Hold that thought in your mind as you continue to breath deeply. Do this at least once a day if not more during any highs. I learned this first from my fiancee and further studied this technique and more through HeartMath, for nearly three years now. My instructor Sheva and her company Fyera got me started in the mastery program of HeartMath. Google it, I highly recommend it for anyone that can afford to do so. It is well worth the cost. Especially considering I don't pay for medications or therapy any longer. Only see a psychiatrist regularly for monitoring.
Next rid your home of unnecessary chemicals, such as cleaners, deoderizers and the like. Begin to use as many unscented body care and beauty products as you can. Bipolar folks are usually highly sensitive beings that have spent years trying to numb their senses with anything they could find, ie alcohol, drugs and pills. I should know I did the same thing for years not knowing what I was doing. Getting these chemicals out of your environment and your body is crutial. 
Also eliminating them from entering your body from the outside, for example perfumes and dyes are quite important. You would be surprised how many items contain scents and they all add up causing an overload to our system. I never knew why I was getting migraine headaches for so long. Once the chemicals and scents were eliminated I have now been free of migraines for several years. What a relief.
A healthy diet with as many vegetables and fruits, nuts, whole grains and organic animal products, like meat, eggs and dairy that are free of pesticides and chemicals play an important part in helping the body heal itself from all of the side effects of being medicated as well as ingesting processed, and chemically treated foods for so long. Stay away from processed food whenever possible. Many chemicals in them are very harmful to everyone, like MSG in all its forms, sensitive people are  especially affected by them.
Regular exercise, whether it be walking, yoga, running or weight training at least 3 times a week is very helpful in repairing any damage to your body caused by medications, especially the weight gain. I know how it is I was over 200 lbs when I was allowed off my meds (FYI I started a page on FB called "Size 18 to 8" with several recipes and tips on how I lost the weight). Start slowly, don't hurt yourself. When I began I was so out of shape I could barely exercise for 15 minutes at a time without getting a red face and being out of breath (I had also smoked for nearly my whole life until I was able to quit by switching to a no additive brand called American Spirit). Be gentle and gradually work yourself up to at least 30 minutes of exercise. With determination and perseverance, you will be on the fast track to better health in no time. I now am able to exercise 6 days a week with a variety of exercise videos and walking.
With all of these things started in your daily life, (I have heard it takes 21 times to make a habit) once you are given the okay to ween off your medication, it will be much easier to live with any ups and downs that come your way through your everyday life. When your doctor sees the improvement in your mental clarity and balance of emotions he will be more likely to approve of you taking a more natural approach to living with your bipolar nature. I had to approach my doctor about this, he would not have recommended it otherwise. They are trained to give us pills, not find out what is causing our symptoms. You'll have to work at this new lifestyle of health and wellbeing in order to convence them, trust me. Be persistant. Don't give up. What ever you do don't go off without approval from your doctor and by all means never go off cold turkey, you have to be weened or there could be severe side effects. Your life depends on it.
Over the last 5 years I have lost 70 lbs and maintained my weightloss, been stable and productive in my daily life and only need to stay away from chemicals, additives, added stress and triggers. I had to learn new tools through HeartMath for managing my strong emotions. I am learning new things about myself and my bipolar nature everday. I have contiplated writing a book one day on my entire experience in order to help others out there like me. You never know it could happen. Good luck to you all out there in whatever you do or decide to be. God Bless.

April 15, 2008

 April is going to be a very hectic month for me. I am very stable again so far thank god and I have quit smoking again for the moment. Last month was a nightmare. It had been awhile since I had had so many mood swings. Yikes it sucks going through that without meds. I had even started smoking again which royally annoyed my fiance'. Today Robert started a new job at the National Guard HQ in Jackson, MS. Since we are in the middle of building our house in Meridian, MS we are now going to stay in Jackson through the week and go home every weekend. I can't tell yet how well it's going to work out but moving around alot usually doesn't appeal to my need for stability.  I wish I could "go with the flow" more easily.

I have been so wrapped up in my own fears and concerns about this recent change in events that I haven't even concidered how it might be affecting Robert. He has been extremely busy preparing for this job change which has left me alone alot during the day. I wish I could make friends easier here in Mississippi. I don't ever remember feeling so lonely. I have never lived so far away from my family though either. 

I found out my brother Ryan is now a father to a beautiful baby boy. I am happy for him and I hope that him and Sasha can continue to get along for the babys sake. I feel like I will be the last one in my entire family to have a child. With the instability in our living situation god only knows when we will be ready to have kids and I am not a spring chicken anymore. Oh well so is life.

March 20,2008

I had something else upset me this morning and what did I do to feel better, I went right for a cigarette. For some reason it made me feel worse though. I guess that's a good thing. I've decided that's it for the cigarettes. Time to find something else that will make me feel better in those moments of uncontrolled emotion. What it will be I don't know. I need to find something that isn't so bad for my health. My therapist suggests relaxation techniques.

March 18,2008

Ugh this weekend sucked. I had the worst mood swings I've had in a long time. I am hoping they were just triggered by my period and now they will subside. It caused a huge weekend long problem for my husband and I. I went to my therapist today and she said that she was glad to hear that we had communicated during that time and that my mood swings could have manifest itself into something a lot worse. So I was glad to hear that. I broke down and had a cigarette this weekend too. Oh well I am only human it just sucks that I felt I had to have one.

March 14, 2008

Well all in all my Birthday turned out pretty nice. In addition to what Robert did for me the Friday before I received a super sweet card from my mom with a check for $100 and both my brothers wrote in the card. Ah. I also received a card with pictures in it from my aunt Parmela in Oregon. That was a bonus. Also my brother Garrett called on Tuesday to say sorry he was a day late. He sounded real good. Then on Wednesday I got an email from grandma saying sorry she forgot and wished me well. Then that night my dad called to apologize for forgetting as well. He sounded good too. So that's everyone. Yeah.

The work on our house is going a little slow because of the on again off again rain we have been having. At least it is in progress. I am trying real hard to see all of the good lately and let the negative go. I see my therapist Jan Tuesday so I can vent a little. That should help a bit.